Column: Don’t be not-so cheeky: Air kiss near miss gets boo hiss

HEARTS TO PRESIDENT Trump for kissing daughter Ivanka on the cheek. Darts to Ivanka for planting her smooch squarely in the ether.

What’s with the air kiss?

Why is no one calling foul on the least sincere gesture ever invented?

It’s as phony as all-star wrestling, which at least had sound effects when The Crusher would pretend to drop a knee on Wahoo McDaniel’s neck. ...

Now of all times, at a period in history when 61 percent of us allege that our president is a pathological liar and the other 39 percent insist the news media are fake, lazy, dyed-in-the-wool liberal — can we please have some semblance of sincerity when we attempt to show raw, genuine human affection? ...

It’s not the guys who are air kissing.

True, they’re guilty of the half hug, the often one-armed gesture that says “I love you bro but let’s not get too close.”

No, the bros are the ones with targets on their cheeks that many of the sisses seem to think invite them to “look but don’t touch.”

Actually, this may say more about the bros than the sisses, but that’s a column for a sis to write.

There are many non-touchable kisses that are perfectly legitimate: blowing kisses, Hersey’s kisses and KISS band members (OK, they’re only semi-legitimate).

But air kisses?

They’re like those fake paychecks you used to get stamped with “DO NOT TRY TO CASH” ...

It’s time we start kissing each other for real. ...

... we can play it again, Sam, and start telling each other how we feel.


“You must remember this

A kiss is just a kiss,

a sigh is just a sigh.

The fundamental things apply

As time goes by.

And when two lovers woo

They still say, ‘I love you.’

On that you can rely ...”

To read the entire column, see the Sept. 7, 2017 edition of The Ripon Commonwealth Press.

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